留学文书范文(留学文书成功范文)

'Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.'

　　“请阐述你希望转学的原因，并说明你想达成的目标。”

　　这是很多大学生在申请美国大学转学时会遇到的第一道难题。

　　今天我们就手把手教大家写一篇转学文书（TRANSFER ESSAY）。

01/ 写转学文书的7个步骤

　　这7个步骤，其实就已经包含了文章的7个板块内容。

　　这7个板块的内容不是分离的，而是紧密联系的上下文关系。

　　下面我们将以分段和列举完整案例的形式，教大家如何创作每一部分的内容。

　　认真学习完，你的转学文书就不用找人帮你写了～

02/文书写作点拨和范例

写作要点

　　? 尽量在30秒内抓住招生官的阅读兴趣

　　? 描述你在当前的学习中遇到了那些无法解决的问题。需要注意的是，不要简单直白地说出来或者抱怨出来，要注意表达的形式

　　? 适当详细描述其中一个你认为对你影响最大/最急需解决的问题

　　? 如何通过这些问题表达你的价值观？通过一件能体现你价值观本质的事件或场景来说明

例子1：通过描绘与家庭成员之间吃晚餐的场景，表达作者关于亲密关系和倾听的观点。

　　Breakfast isn’t the most important meal of the day. In my family the most sacred meal is dinner. The aroma from my mother’s authentic Persian saffron and Barberry spirals around the circular dining table as we prepare to pile each other’s plates high with current events, future plans, and questions about what we learned that day. Slowly, the notification bells and piercing ring tones are replaced by the clamor of metal utensils as my sisters try to fit the plates and silverware around our carefully crafted dinner table. Each person sits the same distance from the center as we listen to my little sister’s attempt at hopscotch from earlier that day with as much interest as my Dad’s stories about his patient with Atherosclerosis. Listening is how we take care of one another.

　　这样场景化的表述，是不是比直接说“the values that are important to me are connection, intimacy, family, and listening.”要更好？

　　在具体的描述中，要学会用“简单直述 讲故事”的方法。

　　例如上面案例中，“Slowly…my Dad’s stories about his patient with Atherosclerosis.”就是运用了讲故事的方法，而“Listening is how we take care of one another”则是直接表述。

例子2：阐述父母对自己的影响，以及我想做什么事情。

　　Before I could even walk, my parents instilled in me a love for history. And thanks to their passion for travel, much of my early education was experiential. At eight, I could not only recite knowledge of Corrie Ten Boom, I'd visited the house where she'd hidden Jews in her home during WWII. By 10 I’d seen the Roman Ruins just outside Paris and by 11, I’d visited Rome and Florence, and begun to develop a passion for Michelangelo. By 14 I’d climbed the caverns of Mykonos and by 16 I’d walked barefoot through India and jogged along the Great Wall of China. Though moving around wasn’t always easy, travel gave me the opportunity to become more adaptable and resourceful, and I came to embrace differences as not only normal but exciting. My passion for cultural experiences and history continued in high school, and I looked forward to more experiential learning opportunities in college.

写作要点

　　简明扼要地说明你的原因，尽量不要出现“花里胡哨的表达”。

例子1：

　　I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to a) stay close to home to take care of my mom, who was recovering from cancer when I graduated high school, b) save money by living at home and finishing my general ed requirements for under $50 per credit, and c) help my dad at his TV repair business.

例子2：

　　I was obsessed with Top Chef as a kid. While most of my friends were thinking about which expensive summer program they’d attend or whether or not they should take the SAT for the sixteenth time, my mind was on how to whip eggs to create the perfect "lift" in a soufflé and developing a long term strategy to create my own food television network. So I originally chose Drake Colonial University for its Culinary Arts program. And because it was two miles from my house.

　　原因也可以写成是项目形式的，例如：

　　I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to：

写作要点

　　? 这是全文的核心部分

　　? 你可以通过描述你的期望与现实的差距，让招生官知道当前的学校并没有很好地为你的个人发展提供帮助。或者刚好相反，这所学校已经帮助你完成了当前阶段的目标。并且提供具体的事例来证明。但是，千万不要表现出对当前学校的负面情绪，例如厌恶、不满、诋毁

　　? 你也可以解释为“一个偶然的机会，我经历了…，我发现我自己…”

例子1：我的期望得到了满足，计划中的事情也已经完成，所以我需要转学

　　I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to a) stay close to home to take care of my mother, who was recovering from cancer when I graduated high school, b) save money by living at home and completing my general ed requirements for under $50 per credit, and c) help my dad at his TV repair business. Achievements unlocked! Now that my mom is cancer free, I’ve finished my general ed requirements (with straight As!) and my dad has hired my uncle (in other words: he doesn’t need me anymore), I’m ready to move on.

例子2：我的期望没有得到满足，但是这不是学校的问题，所以我需要转学

　　I originally chose Northwestern State Tech for its renowned global health program and looked forward to studying under Prof Paula Farnham, a titan in the global health world. Soon after my arrival, however, Prof Farnham took an indefinite leave of absence when she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.

例子3：直到我经历了……我才发现……的重要性，所以我想转学

　　It wasn’t until I sailed through my first semester with no homework and straight As that I realized how important intellectual challenge was to me.

例子4：直到我做了……我才发现还是……比较适合我，所以我想转学

　　Someone once said, “We don’t recognize our home until we lose it,” and the same was true for me. Not until I moved 620 miles away to X (school name) did I realize that Y (school name)—which had been in my backyard all along, just 20 minutes from the church I was baptized in, the grandmother who raised me, and the one I love most in this world dog (my dog, Max)—was home after all.

写作要点

　　告诉招生官你在这里做了什么有成就的事情？遇到过哪些困难，你是如何克服的？

例子1：

　　There was no formal Makeup Department, so guess what. I STARTED ONE. WE’VE GOT 16 MEMBERS. BOOM.

　　例子2：

　　My classes were so much bigger than I thought they’d be AND there were no formal study groups set up, so guess what. I ORGANIZED ONE. AND I EVEN BAKED BROWNIES.

　　例子3：

　　There were no legit dance studios on campus OR in the dorms open after 7pm, so guess what. I PETITIONED TO LIVE OFF-CAMPUS AS A FRESHMAN, FOUND A TINY APARTMENT WITH A BASEMENT THAT OUR TEAM COULD REHEARSE IN, AND WE GOT TO WORK.

写作要点

　　描述你期待中的生活、理想的工作等等，即使你并不是100%确定以后会做到这一点。

例子1：

　　I’m particularly concerned about beauty waste because I am morally disturbed by the fact that my personal grooming is damaging the environment for everyone. The problem is that cosmetics are often objects of desire—we want to be pampered and we crave a luxurious experience—and packaging reflects these consumer instincts. My dream is to rally college communities nation-wide in a drive to reduce packaging waste. As a community of passionate learners and intellectuals we can spread the message to student groups in colleges that protecting the environment trumps our desire for the most wrapped-up, elaborate, expensive packaging.

例子2：

　　My dream is to become a special effects makeup artist with a specialty in fantasy-based creature makeup. Through an extensive process that includes concept design, face, cowl, and body sculpting in clay, molding the pieces using liquid latex or silicon, applying the products to the human model, hand-painting and airbrushing, and fabricate addition components if necessary, I will create original characters that will be featured in movies and television shows.

写作要点

　　上面提到的几部分内容，可能适用于每一所学校，但是这部分的内容需要针对所要申请的学校，单独进行写作。

例子1：

　　A journalist cannot reach the peak of his craft if his knowledge of literature and critical thinking skills are weak, which is why I’m excited to explore what the Department of English has to offer. I look forward to courses such as 225: Academic Argumentation and 229: Professional Writing, as I believe these will provide me with a firm basis in journalistic writing technique and improve my abilities to write analytically and develop well-supported arguments. In addition, the Professional Writing course will teach me how to write in a concise, straightforward style, a skill vital to a journalist.

　　在写作前，可以以“我的需求是什么？”、“学校有什么？”为基点，将核心内容梳理一遍，以上面的内容为例：

　　（▲ 点击可查看大图）

写作要点

　　如果没有需要特别补充的内容，用1-2行结束文章即可。

例子1：“我的经历造就了我”型的结尾

　　Once I thought about it, I realized that if I hadn’t dropped out, I would have never X (formative experience), and I would have never Y (positive value). Looking back on this part of my life, I realized that dropping out was actually the best decision I could have ever made.

例子2：“我有一个梦想而xxx（学校）能帮我”型的结尾

　　I’m inspired to continue my work spreading nutritional information and resources to low-income communities like the one I was raised in and am committed to helping create not only a healthier future for my own family, but for the larger Latino community. I believe X (school’s name) can help.

例子3：“我希望能被录取”型的结尾

　　Finally, the students and faculty that I met on my visit were X（positive value). They made me feel that Y (college name) was a place I could call home.

完整例文

　　Before I could even walk, my parents instilled in me a love for history. And thanks to their passion for travel, much of my early education was experiential. At eight, I could not only recite knowledge of Corrie Ten Boom, I'd visited the house where she'd hidden Jews in her home during WWII. By 10 I’d seen the Roman Ruins just outside Paris and by 11, I’d visited Rome and Florence, and begun to develop a passion for Michelangelo. By 14 I’d climbed the caverns of Mykonos and by 16 I’d walked barefoot through India and jogged along the Great Wall of China.

　　Though moving around wasn’t always easy, travel gave me the opportunity to become more adaptable and resourceful, and I came to embrace differences as not only normal but exciting. My passion for cultural experiences and history continued in high school, and I looked forward to more experiential learning opportunities in college.Though moving around wasn’t always easy, travel gave me the opportunity to become more adaptable and resourceful, and I came to embrace differences as not only normal but exciting. My passion for cultural experiences and history continued in high school, and I looked forward to more experiential learning opportunities in college.

　　解析：

　　作者在第一句即表明了自己的兴趣爱好——在父母的影响下，她爱上了历史。随后通过列举自己从8岁到16岁的旅游经历来论证这一点。紧接着在第二段表明自己的期望——“looked forward to more experiential learning opportunities in college”。

　　One of the things that initially attracted me to Biola University was the Torrey Honors program. I also appreciated the welcoming attitude of its students, and, initially, its emphasis on Judeo-Christian values. But the past year and a half has given me time for introspection, and I have begun to see that Biola and I are not the best match.

　　解析：

　　作者在这里表述了自己当初选择 Biola University（即将离开的学校）的原因——最开始吸引她的是 Torrey Honors 这个项目，但是过去一年半她发现这个学校和自己并没有成为“最佳拍档”（ Biola and I are not the best match）。

　　I believe, for example, in the freedom to express love for whomever one chooses. But on at least one occasion at Biola I’ve been reported to my resident director for displaying physical affection toward another girl and have been told I could risk expulsion if we were “caught” in the act. I also believe that one should be free to express her spiritual beliefs in any way she chooses. At Biola, however, students are required to attend a minimum of 30 chapel events, and must pay upwards of $300 if this requirement is not met. I’m also interested in a diversity of perspective, but faculty are required to teach through a Biblical lens, and over 90% of the students in my department (Anthropology) are seeking to do missionary work following graduation. Finally, I didn’t feel the Torrey Honors Program provided the kind of experiential learning environment I was looking for.

　　解析：

　　作者在这一段通过举例子来说明 Biola University 与自己的一些价值观不符，Torrey Honors 项目也并没有满足自己当时期望的那种体验式学习环境（experiential learning environment）的需求，合理、真实地阐述现实与理想的差异，让人自然而然想支持这个学生转学。

　　Two highlights of my time at Biola included debate, and the experience of founding BQU, a safe, but underground group for queer students. Working with the debate team has taught me how to be accountable for my own work and more humble in my losses. Working with BQU has shown me not only the necessity of being vulnerable with others, but has also taught me skills in creating a group constitution, designing a website, and advertising our cause in a non-inflammatory way.

　　解析：

　　讲述完自己对学校的“不满”，当然要讲一些自己在这个学校的高光时刻和收获，否则容易让人觉得只是在单纯地抱怨和责怪学校。

　　I’ve always been interested in psychological or environmental root of motives, and I see myself one day working in public policy. I’m seeking science and social science departments that offer both excellent research facilities and opportunities for practical application.

　　解析：

　　紧接着上面的内容，作者顺势讲自己想做什么，也即自己的梦想是什么——希望有一天能“working in public policy”。

　　I am interested in the debate team at Fordham because its Jesuit tradition inspires an intellectually rigorous environment. While my current team is very skilled, it does not fulfill my intellectual values; I want classmates who want to explore controversial topics despite their personal stances, and who want to take debate as seriously as their social lives. My desire to explore diversity is also reflected in my major (Anthropology), and draws me to the Irish Studies department. I am personally looking to revive my cultural heritage, and I am also interested in helping oppressed cultures thrive. I see a need to promote how Celtic culture shaped current American society, and want to explore the gender roles of early Celtic culture.

　　解析：

　　作者在这一段以自己对 Fordham University 的辩论队感兴趣以及为什么感兴趣为引子，阐述自己希望如何解决当前的“困境”（暗示 Fordham University 有她想要的东西，而且能为她提供帮助/环境/氛围）。

　　Although my time at Biola has been challenging, it has given me time to discover my own values, ethics, and priorities. I am ready to find a place where I can feel at home, and Fordham is a place where I can picture myself reading Nietzsche in my dorm room or working on progressive debate resolutions with the squad. I hope to contribute my interests and values to the Fordham tradition.

　　解析：

　　俗话说“想要什么就得大声说出来（反正也不一定能得到）”。虽然作者在上一段中暗示了学校，但是还没有“捅破最后一层纸”，所以作者在最后一段直奔主题，明确告诉 Fordham University 的招生官——“I am ready to find a place where I can feel at home”，并且我（指作者）觉得Fordham University 是一个不错的选择（and Fordham is a place where…）。

　　文章来源：微信公众号“BCC国际留学辅导”